Sunday, January 26, 2014
The Fall of Single Feather...
I think all this lack of writing has made forget how to write English. Some part of me has forgotten how grammar works and the rest just cant put words together. It has been a while after all, being iin the army and losing touch with some of the more artistic things about life.
Hahaha. It has been a while.
Listening to Rachael Yamagata always puts me in a mood. It always reminds me of her; the bittersweet times of happiness, confusion and sadness.
I used to think that it was impossible for me to fall in love with someone. Back then, I was never obsessed with the desire and necessity to know what someone think, what she was doing and what she was doing. Only after living for 18 years had I have my first taste of what it was like.
When I used to have sleepovers at my other mom's place, my mom never fails to ask me if I had missed her. Naturally, I would say yes. But then, I never understood the concept. Why would I ever miss someone? If I did, I would have just gone to meet that person right?
But what if I missed her once we part ways? Now that I think about it, it was pretty ridiculous. Once i got on the bus and waved her goodbye, I would send her a text. The only real time we didnt talk was when we were sleeping.
I suppose it was pretty sweet.
It seemed so perfect then. When everything ended, I think both of us ended up losing a small part of ourselves. Both of us seemed to forget how to be happy.
And even after 2 years since that 'break', I still can't stop remembering. Is it true that right now, I can only think of what she is feeling?
With Regards,
Taken by one of the magicians::
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Sunday, July 28, 2013
The Fall of Single Feather...
One of the things that I have come to learn about myself throughout my time in the service is that I cannot live without a goal. I cannot stand a moment of not working towards a goal; a moment of not having something to occupy my mind. For instance, a time like now.
I wonder if this was drilled into me in my upbringing. Living in a world of meritocracy, I was trained to do everything with the sole purpose of improving myself and trying to do everything as the best as I can.
Schooling. Training. Fighting. Teaching. Communicating. Discovering. Playing.
Somehow, working actually makes me feel alive.
But at a time when I am to simply wait for things to happen everyday, I find myself sulking. I find myself tired. I find myself getting depressed. I find myself feeling dead.
That seems so dramatic.
Now I do know that this is all temporary. A day would come when my service ends and I am allowed to do what I am to do. A day would come when I am begging to have some free time for myself while bleed myself dry working my ass off at my job. But at the end of it, there would be the pride, the passion, and the living.
That would explain why I like fighting too.
But until then, I would have to content with sulking, and finding things to occupy my mind.
With Regards,
Taken by one of the magicians::
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Tuesday, April 23, 2013
The Fall of Single Feather...
I'm not a sentimental person. At least, I try not to be.
I believe in things like memories. My thoughts and emotions on a certain event or a relationship with a person. I believe that things truly important to me is something that I would not forget. Hence, instead of photos, I would rather keep tokens; small items that represent an event or a person.
The tokens usually reflect a lot about the comradeship between the person and me. For example, the clothes peg that I got from a friend; a small wooden peg with the batman symbol.
But when I want to come back and revisit these thoughts, these people, I realise that with responsibilities catching up to me, its hard finding enough time to see and feel everyone again. Just so that they and I know that we are still good.
So... what do I do? Keep finding time.
With Regards,
Taken by one of the magicians::
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Sunday, March 10, 2013
The Fall of Single Feather...
Meritocracy
Ever since I was young, I've always wanted to be good at something.
Ever since I was a child, I've always wanted to people to say, "Hey, you're good at this. Whatever you've been doing, you've been doing it right. Keep it up."
Ever since I was able to achieve, I've always wanted to be recognised for my efforts; to be recognised for what I have done.
Along the way, people have said positive things about the stuff that I've done. People have shown me the appreciation for the jobs I have done for them, but somehow, it has never been enough. Don't be mistaken, I feel glad that my efforts are appreciated. But in a world where right and wrong is so damned blur, how the hell would I know if I were doing things the "right" way? Does a person's compliment justify the way I have been doing things?
I simply don't know.
Hence, I've always strove to obtain something on a higher level, something that everyone would go through but not everyone would get.
And recently, I did.
But the thing is, I still question myself if I have been doing it right anyway. There are people whom I felt deserve the same award receive it, and those that I feel better in terms of skill and prowess did not receive it. Should I be getting the recognition for my skills and abilities when there are those who are better than me? Does simply having a good attitude deserve an award such as this?
I feel lost. What should I really be thinking right now?
With Regards,
Taken by one of the magicians::
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Monday, January 28, 2013
The Fall of Single Feather...
Sometimes, the only thing that keeps me going is that no matter what happens, time will still keep on going.
Sometimes, the only thing that makes fear about my present and future is that, time is not going to wait for me.
*Sigh*
What am I to do?
I guess sooner or later, I'll find out. Hopefully, it would not be too late.
With Regards,
Taken by one of the magicians::
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Sunday, December 30, 2012
The Fall of Single Feather...
UFC 155. Some of the toughest men I've ever seen in my life.
Maybe thats why I like to fight. To see how tough I can be. To hope that somehow, some way, some time, I can become as tough as them.
To have a heart as strong as theirs.
With Regards,
Taken by one of the magicians::
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Sunday, December 23, 2012
The Fall of Single Feather...
I really missed things. I really do.
But perhaps when I grow up, I wont miss it as much as I used to.
With Regards,
Taken by one of the magicians::
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