Sunday, July 28, 2013
The Fall of Single Feather...
One of the things that I have come to learn about myself throughout my time in the service is that I cannot live without a goal. I cannot stand a moment of not working towards a goal; a moment of not having something to occupy my mind. For instance, a time like now.
I wonder if this was drilled into me in my upbringing. Living in a world of meritocracy, I was trained to do everything with the sole purpose of improving myself and trying to do everything as the best as I can.
Schooling. Training. Fighting. Teaching. Communicating. Discovering. Playing.
Somehow, working actually makes me feel alive.
But at a time when I am to simply wait for things to happen everyday, I find myself sulking. I find myself tired. I find myself getting depressed. I find myself feeling dead.
That seems so dramatic.
Now I do know that this is all temporary. A day would come when my service ends and I am allowed to do what I am to do. A day would come when I am begging to have some free time for myself while bleed myself dry working my ass off at my job. But at the end of it, there would be the pride, the passion, and the living.
That would explain why I like fighting too.
But until then, I would have to content with sulking, and finding things to occupy my mind.
With Regards,
Taken by one of the magicians::
::